9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This baby is an asshole
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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