drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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