I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
