I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
