so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
