I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
