I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
