its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize