Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
