Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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