i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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