Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
