ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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