I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
