a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
