if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
