I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Congratulations! We have a period
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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