Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
