Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
