btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
