I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
