Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
