actually, I'm a sock model
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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