Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize