Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
