ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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