I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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