Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
