your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
