dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
