he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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