i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize