There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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