girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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