Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I need a burrito and a hug.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
