i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
