plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
