Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's always time for handjobs
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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