She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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