I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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