woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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