Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
