I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
