Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
