So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
