Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
