I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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