He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
