Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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