I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize