Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
