this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
