he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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