This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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