I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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