I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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