Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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