after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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