The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
