11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
