so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
