I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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