you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize