Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
