I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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