Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
