My sheets look like a crime scene.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
