I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
