That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize