dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
