Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
