You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
