Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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