She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
