this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize