I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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