I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
