I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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