All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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