Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
