rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
