I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
