I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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