I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
