the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
