I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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