I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize