we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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