So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You may now shotgun with the bride
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
