Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
