the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
