Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
