and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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